PinnedMember-onlyEven If I Don’t KnowOn the pleasures of letting go — I am sixteen years old. We are in Vienna for our biannual school trip, and I don’t want to be here. In fact, the night before, desperate for a strong enough pretext not to go, I would swallow five pills of Zoloft (which my then therapist prescribed to treat my…Mwc Death7 min readMwc Death7 min read
Published in Big Self·Apr 7, 2021Member-onlyTouching ImmortalityWhen meaning is not as important as the way we look for it. — Often, when night comes, I am afraid. A strange, almost agreeable kind of angst. In the vast darkness of the room, right before I slide into sleep, I think about mornings and the faint possibility that I may not get to see the next one. I am what you would…Life5 min readLife5 min read
Published in Big Self·Feb 5, 2021Member-onlyOn Cherishing Our Past and Imaginary SelvesCan making sense of who we might have been help us understand who we are? — Once, in one of my unlived lives, I was a singer. It was the late 2000s, when the indie-rock phenomenon was having its commercial breakthrough and becoming popular enough for us novices to recognize the Smiths’ “How Soon Is Now” in the theme song of “Charmed” and most of the…Culture6 min readCulture6 min read
Published in The Bigger Picture·Jan 12, 2021Member-onlyWhy Trumpism Could Have Only Happened in AmericaHow surprising can the recent riots at the Capitol be? — When the news of the recent violence at the Capitol reached me in London, it was late in the evening. I had just finished brushing my teeth, the taste of synthetic mint still in my mouth, when my fiancé pointed his phone at me, alarmed, and started scrolling through pictures…Politics4 min readPolitics4 min read
Published in Big Self·Jan 7, 2021Member-onlyReimagining New Year ResolutionsOptimism isn’t always constructive. — On December 31st, 1998, prompted by a sudden will to turn my luck, I considered the idea of keeping a journal, as older, cooler graders did. What made the thought of what I later called a secret diary so fascinating was the prospect of making my wishes for the new…Inspiration5 min readInspiration5 min read
Published in Big Self·Dec 19, 2020Member-onlyOn The Power of BeautyHow do you make a poor man rich? You make him wonder. — I am writing this from my bunker room in the outskirts of London. Bunker room because I hardly ever have to leave it, now that we live in the aftermath of COVID-19, the era of smart remote working. An umpteenth zoom meeting is scheduled for this evening. A facetime call…Inspiration5 min readInspiration5 min read
Published in Big Self·Dec 1, 2020Member-onlyNon-Lessons from a Non-YearSometimes we don’t need every answer. Sometimes the question in itself is enough. — I apologize for the lousy, clickbait-y title. It’s hard to think clearly when the past year has laid over your head the same foggy blanket the British sky has placed over its roofs. From where I stand, the urban lights are melting behind a thick, white veil of mist, as…Inspiration6 min readInspiration6 min read
Published in Big Self·Nov 10, 2020Member-onlyThe Importance of Zoning OutWhat if thoughtfulness is the new mindfulness? — When I ask friends or family to repeat what they just said to me, the reply is almost always: “Did you zone out again?” I usually like to answer that being zoned out is my natural state; I just zone back in once in a while. Although I mean it…Inspiration5 min readInspiration5 min read
Published in Publishous·Oct 23, 2020Member-onlyWhat Mr. Bean Can Teach Us About ContentmentAnticipation is a key component of joy. — One of my first childhood memories is my father making unsolicited impressions of Mr. Bean at the dinner table. He was a fan, which made me a fan. We would spend most Saturday afternoons crouched on the sofa in front of the large screen, waiting for the opening choral theme…Inspiration4 min readInspiration4 min read
Published in Big Self·Oct 21, 2020Member-onlyThe Change You Look for Is in the Discomfort You AvoidIf it’s not painful, it’s not worth the effort. — According to psychological research, putting yourself in new and unfamiliar situations triggers a unique part of the brain that releases dopamine — nature’s make-you-happy chemical. This region of the brain is only activated when we see or experience completely new things. …Inspiration4 min readInspiration4 min read
